Looking For The RIGHT Gift For Valentine’s Day?

Obviously, this Valentine’s commercial is geared toward men, as are most Valentine-related commercials, but this one is…well…scary. I don’t care how depressed I am, I don’t want that as a gift. Imagine – you’re at the office (or where ever you work) and one of THESE suckers is delivered to you? It has to sit by you at your desk AND you have to get it home somehow. I first saw this commercial last year while living in Boston. I worked in the city and used public transportation to get around (the subway). I can’t imagine what I’d do if one of these was sent to me at work. Would I have actually had to carry a 4.5ft bear on the train home with me? I wouldn’t have been able to leave something so ridiculous at work, so I’d probably try to pawn it off, give it to a homeless person laying around outside (it could be bed-like). Or if I couldn’t even do that I’d trash it. That’s right. That $99.00 that some guy splurged on me for a bear would be wasted because I’d have thrown that beady-eyed giant into a dumpster.

Does that sound a little insensitive? I don’t care. This commercial emits the message that all women are simple minded and uncontrollably pleased (aroused even) by a mindless gift. How much thought goes into going online and clicking “purchase massive bear”? It’s the thought that matters, right? Oh, and you know what a woman will do when she’s made happy – FUCK ALL NIGHT!!!! That’s right, when you give a woman a giant bear she won’t be able to resist you. She’ll take the bear straight to bed and have sex with it and as she’s stroking it’s overstuffed pot belly, she’ll be thinking of only you! Score.

I don’t know about you all, but I’ve had sex with PLENTY of stuffed animals of all shapes and sizes. There’s something about the glint in their shiny little indented eyes that makes me feel, loved.

For months after receiving a massive bear, every time she walks past it she’ll say to herself, “Damn. I’ve got one hell of man”.

There are many ridiculous gifts out there when it comes to Valentine’s day and I, by no means, will try to define what a “sexy” gift is. Each to his own with that one. It’s not the bear itself that’s a stupid gift, I’d probably have loved to get that when I was 7. I’m curious to know what this things Valentine’s Day sales are. Ladies (generally), I would re-evaluate the depth within your relationship if you’re given one of these, unless, it’s given as a joke. If my boyfriend gave this to me I’d know he was kidding and I’d find it funny. But then I’d be like, “you just donated $99 to GoodWill”.

Would you ever give this big ass bear as a gift? What would you do if you received one? Don’t worry, I won’t make fun of you (online).