Looking For The RIGHT Gift For Valentine’s Day?

Obviously, this Valentine’s commercial is geared toward men, as are most Valentine-related commercials, but this one is…well…scary. I don’t care how depressed I am, I don’t want that as a gift. Imagine – you’re at the office (or where ever you work) and one of THESE suckers is delivered to you? It has to sit by you at your desk AND you have to get it home somehow. I first saw this commercial last year while living in Boston. I worked in the city and used public transportation to get around (the subway). I can’t imagine what I’d do if one of these was sent to me at work. Would I have actually had to carry a 4.5ft bear on the train home with me? I wouldn’t have been able to leave something so ridiculous at work, so I’d probably try to pawn it off, give it to a homeless person laying around outside (it could be bed-like). Or if I couldn’t even do that I’d trash it. That’s right. That $99.00 that some guy splurged on me for a bear would be wasted because I’d have thrown that beady-eyed giant into a dumpster.

Does that sound a little insensitive? I don’t care. This commercial emits the message that all women are simple minded and uncontrollably pleased (aroused even) by a mindless gift. How much thought goes into going online and clicking “purchase massive bear”? It’s the thought that matters, right? Oh, and you know what a woman will do when she’s made happy – FUCK ALL NIGHT!!!! That’s right, when you give a woman a giant bear she won’t be able to resist you. She’ll take the bear straight to bed and have sex with it and as she’s stroking it’s overstuffed pot belly, she’ll be thinking of only you! Score.

I don’t know about you all, but I’ve had sex with PLENTY of stuffed animals of all shapes and sizes. There’s something about the glint in their shiny little indented eyes that makes me feel, loved.

For months after receiving a massive bear, every time she walks past it she’ll say to herself, “Damn. I’ve got one hell of man”.

There are many ridiculous gifts out there when it comes to Valentine’s day and I, by no means, will try to define what a “sexy” gift is. Each to his own with that one. It’s not the bear itself that’s a stupid gift, I’d probably have loved to get that when I was 7. I’m curious to know what this things Valentine’s Day sales are. Ladies (generally), I would re-evaluate the depth within your relationship if you’re given one of these, unless, it’s given as a joke. If my boyfriend gave this to me I’d know he was kidding and I’d find it funny. But then I’d be like, “you just donated $99 to GoodWill”.

Would you ever give this big ass bear as a gift? What would you do if you received one? Don’t worry, I won’t make fun of you (online).

giant-vermont-teddy-bear

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8 thoughts on “Looking For The RIGHT Gift For Valentine’s Day?

  1. Hahaha! My thoughts exactly. When I saw the commercial I felt it was a super creepy gift. I just think it comes off that way because of the way the commercial is done. Like if you give a woman a gigantic teddy bear she will explode with glee and sleep, eat and shower with it and be super grateful and a lot of sexy time will ensue. What the hell. I have stuffed animals and stuffed anything. I used to like them when I was younger but right now I just want to get rid of them. If someone sends me a valentine’s day gift, I’d rather it be cash. There’s just something super romantic/friendly about cash that makes anyone’s heart go awww! Thanks for making me laugh!

    • I try to give my boyfriend something personal, but we agree to keep gifts small. A caring card and a small gift. He likes to garden, or at least take care of a variety of indoor/outdoor plants. Since moving to the desert we haven’t been able to grow anything, so he bought a beautiful orchid. He was taking such good care of it and then accidentally killed it by over watering. He was so sad when he threw it away. I decided that I’d get get him a new potted plant that he could care for for Valentine’s Day. Did you celebrate the big V day in any way?

      • Very thoughtful of you!
        No, I didn’t have anyone to celebrate with this year, but my dad did send me roses & a guy friend did end up taking me to the movies. All in all, it was an okay day!

  2. I’d let my dog have some fun with it – she wound find an opening in the stitching and rip out all of the stuffing, and I’d record the whole thing for my entertainment pleasure. I would also immediately post the video to YouTube – it would be a viral hit and no one would ever get me a freakishly XXL stuffed USELESS bear ever again.

    • They are so useless. Period. I feel like men buy them because they have no idea what sort of things their girlfriends/wives really like. OR, they we’re being so last minute about everything and figured a huge ass bear would suffice. There’s a lot of pressure on men to buy a nice gift or plan a nice day for Valentine’s Day. I get that, and couples should talk ahead of time and decide expectations about it. I’d be sure to make it CLEAR that a fat massive bear would not be acceptable. Whatsoever.

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